Assuming the Worst

from I Can Has Ceesburger - LOLcats

Why is it we always assume the worst of ourselves?

Earlier this week I had a delightful lunch with someone I hadn’t seen in a year. A year had passed partly because of the weirdness of the whole hibernating thing. Partly it was because after a certain amount of time had passed I felt so awful about it that I couldn’t psych myself up to call her.

My mother would say “well, she didn’t call you either.” It’s hard to argue with that that fact, and yet, it has never made me feel any better. (Probably because it is, after all, all about ME.)

This someone, Colleen let’s call her (because that is, after al,l her name,) is another small business owner and when she sent out her monthly ezine I emailed her back without allowing myself to think too much about it.

I did it because if the tables had been turned I wouldn’t have been annoyed at all with her for her absence. Quite the opposite, I would have been overjoyed to hear from her again. Maybe, I thought, just maybe she might feel that way about hearing from me.

It was a stretch to believe but I took a chance and lo and behold, she was happy to hear from me. We had a wonderful lunch. We plan on seeing more of each other because we seem to have the rare gift of “getting” one another.

I want to start practicing assuming the best of myself. I don’t exactly know how I’m going to do that – it feels like such a radical concept!

"Every human being's soul is beautiful, but to show this beauty outwardly, you must first have found it within you." Barbel Mohr (the quote Coleen has on her email. So beautiful!)

What would change in your life if you started assuming the best of yourself?

Story-Beads for the Forgetful and Unfocused

It is so easy for me to lose focus. Not only do I lose focus but I forget that I’ve lost focus! I don’t even remember that there was something I was intending to focus on. (Renewed commitment to this blog for instance…)

Enter: STORY-BEADS.

In the same way that we teach what we most need to know, I make Story-Beads to remind myself that there are specific (empowering) things that I want to keep in the forefront of my mind.

Of course, I then lose my sets…but I find they turn up at the most fortuitive times.

I stumble upon them when I am feeling most lost and suddenly I remember! Yes! That was where my focus was supposed to be! I’ve wandered from there and that’s why I feel so flighty.
Maybe I should start marketing Story-Beads to the forgetful – myself first and foremost!

Need help focusing?

a key for my journaling, a mouse for my story, an angel for the friends that have my back

Slippery

Yup. Time is slippery and it keeps getting away from me. Nothing seems to be able to firm it up either. Its one of the great mysteries and one of the human constants like the weather and what the next meal will consist of. (Think about any work place and what does everyone talk about - the current weather conditions and "What's for lunch?" with an occasional "Can you believe it's already__________fill in current month" thrown in for good measure - human constants!)

So, here's my creativity group (a.k.a. my Brooklyn group)celebrating June's birthday with karaoke and below are my fairy goddaughters who we visited down in Texas just a few weeks ago:



Blessings abound and if I haven't been getting out to walk like I agreed to (I agree to walk and what happens? A foot infection and antibiotics that make me loopy!! Go figure,) then at least life is good in many other ways.

Let's call this a gratitude list post and something of more substance will be forthcoming in the future.


What are you grateful for?

PS Cute story (also with no point) Miss M knows how much I hate the question "what's for dinner?" that she has begun teasing me and asking what's for dinner on Wednesday 3 months from now...

She's got our sense of humor down pat, I'll give her that!

BlissChick: enCouragingBliss: A 100 Day Vow -- I Double Dare You!

BlissChick: enCouragingBliss: A 100 Day Vow -- I Double Dare You!

I've enjoyed my walks so much over the last few days that I am vowing to walk, every day, rain or shine, even if its just once or twice around the house, for one hundred days. Christine at Blisschick (who interviewed me a short while ago) says we'll be done on July 25th.

How's this for a spiritual practice?

A Haiku from a Walk

This unfamiliar
Hummimg in my chest - it's joy.
It's just exhausting.

"It requires a direct dispensation from Heaven to become a walker."
-Henry David Thoreau

Swan, originally uploaded by Brumjam.

"You don't always get answers to your questions right away. It was years ago that I asked of the Universe how these women that I admire, like Jennifer Louden and Christina Baldwin to name a few, came to call the other brilliant women business owners and writers their friends. I would read their books with such envy as they would merrily name friend after brilliant friend. I wondered - how can I get in on some of that?

Today I got to live the answer to that question. I had a wonderful phone session with Jen Hofman and we discussed the possibility of collaborating on a future event. I've wondered for many years what it would be like to have a mentor and if it could be something like today's call I would get over my authority issues in a heartbeat!

Jen and I met through Jennifer Louden's Comfort Cafe and I signed up for Jen's Office Spa Day the following week. The before and after shots of my now-tidy office are pretty inpressive, but the internal work that came from working with Jen was the real treasure. It has helped clarify a lot of the work I'm doing on my releasing ritual.

But just as cool was that after I got off this wonderful phone call I did something I don't often remember to do: I went for a walk. A grounding walk. A walk to take all that "WOW" and "YAY" in my chest and spread it around in a way that was not manic and did not leave me exhausted.

What's the point of feeling joyful if it completely drains you?

The walk was wonderful. I saw a swan (one of my totem animals) and a blue heron which I didn't even know we had here. I rested against a tree and came home feeling like I could sustain the positive feeling and appreciate the answer to the question I had asked so many years ago.

What unanswered questions remain in your life? In what unexpected place might you find answers to help you live those questions?

Impatient for Spring

So, I am impatient for Spring – weather-wise and in within myself, in spite of previous intentions to allow for unfolding. I keep feeling the need to “have done with it already.”

One of the ways this impatience keeps cropping up is in my ongoing process of de-cluttering. We were blessed three years ago to by this big, beautiful and spacious house but still I’m struggling with the same “small house” issues as before and I feel as though I’m not fully appreciating the abundant blessings of my life.

I sat down with my journal last week and after almost two hours of dialoguing with myself on paper I came to some major discoveries – major, huge stuff at the root of my nearly 8 month hiatus from my business.

It’s basically this: I focus on the negative.

“Nooo,” you may say, “surely not Deb. She seems so positive.” Newsflash: I’m pretty good at hiding my shortcomings when I want to be.

When I look around my life at the things that need doing I have trouble just doing them because there’s always multiple steps in the process. There’s always something in the way – a “pile” so to speak.

• I go to do the dishes but the pile is huge and we’re out of dish soap.
• I need groceries but the leftovers are growing green (nearly sentient) mold spores and need to be cleared away before I can put them away.
• I need to renew my PO Box but I’ve left it so long (and fibbed about still having it) that I have this huge pile of guilt to navigate around before I can renew it.

The last example gets to the heart of the symbolic nature of my clutter. The outward expresses the inward. I’ve got piles of guilt built up around so many issues in my life, so many things left undone, so many mistakes, that it's like navigating through a minefield to get through my day to day.

I need to clear out all this stuff. I’ve begun planning a ritual – something big to release all that’s built up over the last two years. It’s beginning to come together in my head – I’ll keep you posted as things progress.

Any ideas?

Spring Wishes

Wanna know what heralds Spring in my extended family more than anything else? Continued bemoaning of the cold weather. This year I am no exception. Checking the thermometer this morning and realizing that yet again I'd have to put on a winter coat if I didn't want to freeze my ta-tas off while waiting for the bus, I let out a string of profanities that would have wilted the precious snowbells that I had to search high and low for in order to get a picture for this post!

It's not pretty but it's authentic.

Sometimes there's a huge gap between the way we'd like to see life and the way we actually do. The first step to bridging that gap is awareness. Today I am aware that I would really like a day warm enough to go without that damn winter coat! Yup, must be Spring...

What authentic, if perhaps inelegant ways, do you notice the seasons of your life?