I should have known something was up last year when I suddenly decided to reread Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley, followed by the traditional The Stand by Stephen King. A strange combo, I know, but I read them together when I was 18, and then at 30, when I reread Mists, I felt I had to reread The Stand as well. So, at 36, they both got reread together...again.I have taken something different away from each of the readings as I grow up and (especially in the case of Mists) move through the phases of my life from "maiden," to new mother, to a woman done having kids and watching in satisfaction (and occasional trepidation) as they grow up.
Now it's The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. I reread that every couple of years, too. I'm slowly working my way through The Return of the King for the 4th time (I last finished that book on September 10th, 2001 - and I wonder why that series has become a bit of a momento mori for me. Hmmm...)
Life always gives me hints, even if I don't always pick up on them right away. Rereading all these pivotal classics is a hint I've only just picked up on. Articulating what that hint is about is not so easy, but it's closely related to why I haven't been blogging very much lately - I am on an internal hiatus.
Yup. Something is coming and in the meanwhile, I have platformed. I'm in a holding pattern. I wrote about it at Jennifer Louden's newest project, the Comfort Cafe. Here's what I came up with:
"My intention for the month of February is to listen for hints of Spring - my Spring.
We've just had "mid-winter thaw" here in New York - our annual warming that occurs in February, usually right after the freezing cold temperatures that inevitably eclipse my actual birthday (the 5th.) I spent the day in nature on Wednesday and found a lovely hollow where the trees are falling in and everything was quiet and resting. It was just what I needed.
Lately I have been coming to accept that I don't want to do very much these days. It’s not depression; I've been there and know that feeling well. This ain't it. I just don't really want to work or talk to people. I've very happy with my solitude and my naps and my reading and the occasional load of laundry thrown in (along with childcare for the 10 year old and the 6 and a half year old!)
I feel the pressure of a Type A world and Tony Robbins/The Secret type friends who push the idea that if you don't have your intentions in high focus you'll never be a success (OK oversimplifying a generally OK idea set but I hope you'll understand why.) I'm in between focuses and dreams. A lot came true over the last two years and now I just gotta BE and sort out which dreams come true are worth keeping and which ones need a bit of tweaking.
I'm over-wintering, like the trees in the gulley where I was. Eventually Spring will come again but for now its nice to be tree-like and stay on the lookout for signs of Spring while doing nothing much."
I am in between.
LOTR will be finished soon. I've been getting out to Caumsett (my sacred place) more often. I've begun learning my new camera's ins and outs (as evidenced by the self portraits above! So cool!). Story-Beads is hanging in there. Maybe soon Spring will come and I'll know where I'm supposed to be going. And maybe I'll just go take a nap and wait it out until then.
What have your emotional winters looked like and how have you over-wintered without struggling against them?
