Impatient for Spring

So, I am impatient for Spring – weather-wise and in within myself, in spite of previous intentions to allow for unfolding. I keep feeling the need to “have done with it already.”

One of the ways this impatience keeps cropping up is in my ongoing process of de-cluttering. We were blessed three years ago to by this big, beautiful and spacious house but still I’m struggling with the same “small house” issues as before and I feel as though I’m not fully appreciating the abundant blessings of my life.

I sat down with my journal last week and after almost two hours of dialoguing with myself on paper I came to some major discoveries – major, huge stuff at the root of my nearly 8 month hiatus from my business.

It’s basically this: I focus on the negative.

“Nooo,” you may say, “surely not Deb. She seems so positive.” Newsflash: I’m pretty good at hiding my shortcomings when I want to be.

When I look around my life at the things that need doing I have trouble just doing them because there’s always multiple steps in the process. There’s always something in the way – a “pile” so to speak.

• I go to do the dishes but the pile is huge and we’re out of dish soap.
• I need groceries but the leftovers are growing green (nearly sentient) mold spores and need to be cleared away before I can put them away.
• I need to renew my PO Box but I’ve left it so long (and fibbed about still having it) that I have this huge pile of guilt to navigate around before I can renew it.

The last example gets to the heart of the symbolic nature of my clutter. The outward expresses the inward. I’ve got piles of guilt built up around so many issues in my life, so many things left undone, so many mistakes, that it's like navigating through a minefield to get through my day to day.

I need to clear out all this stuff. I’ve begun planning a ritual – something big to release all that’s built up over the last two years. It’s beginning to come together in my head – I’ll keep you posted as things progress.

Any ideas?